I feel like such a failure.
Today is father's day and the moment I woke up I immediately thought about people possibly wishing my hubby a happy fathers day, with the notion that he might actually be a father. I wanted to cry so bad but I just pushed forward. The idea that I still haven't given him a healthy little baby breaks my heart when these holidays roll around. Everyone is celebrating the love of their children and being thankful for having these little precious beings and here I am unable to give him that gift as fast as I would have liked. Well, lets be realistic. 5 years is long enough to suffer and its broken me down emotionally. I want to be able to do this, not only for him, but so much for myself. I want to be someones mommy. I want those memories and to hear the ringing of "daddy, daddy" in my ears as they call for my hubby when he gets home from work. I just wish I had control. I wish I had answers. I wish I were able to just pop it out overnight and make up for all those fathers days, christmas's, mother's days, and other family oriented holidays that we have missed out on.
I wish I could make the pain of infertility go away. Make infertility itself go away. Forever.
I'll make him a daddy. Whether its this month, the next or somewhere down the line. It will happen. And when it does every fathers day will be full of life changing moments that I will hold on to forever.
Baby Dust
A
Today is father's day and the moment I woke up I immediately thought about people possibly wishing my hubby a happy fathers day, with the notion that he might actually be a father. I wanted to cry so bad but I just pushed forward. The idea that I still haven't given him a healthy little baby breaks my heart when these holidays roll around. Everyone is celebrating the love of their children and being thankful for having these little precious beings and here I am unable to give him that gift as fast as I would have liked. Well, lets be realistic. 5 years is long enough to suffer and its broken me down emotionally. I want to be able to do this, not only for him, but so much for myself. I want to be someones mommy. I want those memories and to hear the ringing of "daddy, daddy" in my ears as they call for my hubby when he gets home from work. I just wish I had control. I wish I had answers. I wish I were able to just pop it out overnight and make up for all those fathers days, christmas's, mother's days, and other family oriented holidays that we have missed out on.
I wish I could make the pain of infertility go away. Make infertility itself go away. Forever.
I'll make him a daddy. Whether its this month, the next or somewhere down the line. It will happen. And when it does every fathers day will be full of life changing moments that I will hold on to forever.
Baby Dust
A