Its almost that time again. I dread this day every year that I don't see a BFP (Big Fat Positive). I'm so scared and sad all at the same time. Last year I thought I would be a mommy by this point. I swore that I wouldn't go another year without getting pregnant. I really believed that 2013 would be my year. Then I lost my medical coverage and that changed my entire outcome. No more doctors visits, medications, nada. Who knows where I would be right now had I still continued on with my treatments. But everything happens for a reason and thats all I could tell myself. Maybe it wasn't my time at that point. Maybe my angel baby wasn't ready for me yet. I don't know but I keep hoping.
8 days from now will be the saddest day of my entire year.
AF (Aunt Flow) is due any day now and DH (Dear Hubby) & I haven't baby danced in over a month. Seems like we are on a dry spell, well more him than me. I've been trying my hardest to keep my mind off of all things baby related, but thats easier said than done. I run a freakin' baby boutique. My life is literally surrounded by all things baby. Nonetheless I try to separate my emotions from my work. I go each day folding baby clothes, taking orders for cute baby gear all while acting like its nothing. Up until this point it has worked for me. I've had my slips though don't get me wrong. Sometimes I will stock something too cute and just wish I had a baby to put it on. Then I snap back to reality and just get the order done. Anyway…
I start going back to my doctor next month. I'm hoping that everything will go back to the way it was before I left and I won't need any major surgery or excruciatingly painful tests. I just want to be able to come home, inject myself with baby juice and get to baby making. If only it was that simple. But nothing ever is. No matter what I am staying beyond positive. I am going to face this next month like it decides my fate….well it kind of does. I just hope I get the answers I need and the help that will bring me and my hubby the one thing we want most in this world. Anything after that will be a cake walk.
Baby Dust
XoXo
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