Depression is an ugly, scary and life altering illness. It does't choose based on race, gender, age, wealth. It affects all walks of life. People dealing with depression often seem like the happiest people on the outside. Dealing with depression is an internal struggle.
I believe at this point in my life I am a victim of depression. I have my days where I want to scream, shout, hit and cry all at the same time because I am just so frustrated and upset with the ways my life and relationship have gone about. I find myself not having anyone to turn to for support or understanding. I sit in my room questioning how I let my life get to the point where it is right now. I also have my good days. They sometimes last days or even weeks or months, but the sadness comes right back. The alone feeling never really goes away. I could be in a room full of people and still feel like I'm on a planet alone.
Every day I wake up trying to figure out how I can change, what I could do to make it all just go away. But I never find the answer. Outings are just momentary happiness although my significant other thinks its the cure all end all. Family, is almost nonexistent. Friends, I have 1 and we are no where near each other in order to receive the comfort. Today I contemplated hopping on a plane and going to her. No worries, not a single care, just going to be with someone who makes me feel free. But I'm broke.
I decided to take this quiz today http://psychcentral.com/depquiz.htmto see if I may be dealing with depression. Guess what? It says I may be dealing with moderate to severe depression. Well, duh. Although I know that this isn't a medical diagnosis I can feel it in my bones that I am dealing with an overwhelming mix of emotions that are not healthy and may be detrimental to my well being.
I plan to look into seeing a therapist. Hopefully talking to someone outside of my circle will give me some clearance on what steps I should take to better myself. I don't like being sad or angry and I know that I can't control those emotions while dealing with infertility as well as an opinionated/sometimes overly hostile partner. But hopefully just talking will help me get some of this weight off of my shoulders and put me into a better place. We will see.
A
I believe at this point in my life I am a victim of depression. I have my days where I want to scream, shout, hit and cry all at the same time because I am just so frustrated and upset with the ways my life and relationship have gone about. I find myself not having anyone to turn to for support or understanding. I sit in my room questioning how I let my life get to the point where it is right now. I also have my good days. They sometimes last days or even weeks or months, but the sadness comes right back. The alone feeling never really goes away. I could be in a room full of people and still feel like I'm on a planet alone.
Every day I wake up trying to figure out how I can change, what I could do to make it all just go away. But I never find the answer. Outings are just momentary happiness although my significant other thinks its the cure all end all. Family, is almost nonexistent. Friends, I have 1 and we are no where near each other in order to receive the comfort. Today I contemplated hopping on a plane and going to her. No worries, not a single care, just going to be with someone who makes me feel free. But I'm broke.
I decided to take this quiz today http://psychcentral.com/depquiz.htmto see if I may be dealing with depression. Guess what? It says I may be dealing with moderate to severe depression. Well, duh. Although I know that this isn't a medical diagnosis I can feel it in my bones that I am dealing with an overwhelming mix of emotions that are not healthy and may be detrimental to my well being.
I plan to look into seeing a therapist. Hopefully talking to someone outside of my circle will give me some clearance on what steps I should take to better myself. I don't like being sad or angry and I know that I can't control those emotions while dealing with infertility as well as an opinionated/sometimes overly hostile partner. But hopefully just talking will help me get some of this weight off of my shoulders and put me into a better place. We will see.
A